"not to get too dark on this #LOFNOTC, but i think that's what happens when i don't drink. who's ever considered jumping off something high?"
I didn't follow the responses, but apparently "it appears that pretty much every #LOFNOTC has considered jumping off something high. who's been in a car crash? this is fun."
Amanda, are you serious?! This is NOT fun. This is destructive. (I still love you)
Well, car crashes are alright to talk about because they're accidental and stuff, but seriously, considering jumping off something high? Why would you want to spend your Friday nights reliving the darkest days of your life? If you ask me, #LOFNOTC should be all about joly larffing times whizzzz.
And yes, I have considered jumping off something high, but only for fun. I've considered jumping off the Skytower, attached to a harness and ropes but I decided it was not worth the money. I've considered jumping off the bridge in Warkworth but was warned against the rocks not far below the surface. I'm sure I've probably got stuck in a tree at some point and considered jumping out, too. But I don't think any of these were what Amanda was talking about.
She retweeted: "this is the truest truth of trueness RT @Fishelle if you HAVEN'T, you haven't lived. Dark moments are what define the bright ones"
Well, I can agree with the second half of that statement.. but.. I don't think having a dark moment necessarily has to equate to considering plummeting to your death. I certainly have had many a dark moment and on a few occasions have wished I was dead/I had never been born/the entire universe had never been created. But that doesn't mean I considered taking my own life. I guess when I'm that low, I know that things can ONLY get better. And that they WILL get better, even if it doesn't seem like it. And, without fail, they did. To me, the difference between wishing you were dead and considering suicide is about the same as the difference between wishing you had a million dollars and considering robbing a bank.
Meanwhile, @bethofalltrades posted this fantastic blog about depression. This one made me cry. I felt that it was actually constructive. It explains depression to people who have never been depressed. As one of these people, I appreciated it. It gives true insight into someone else's thoughts and feelings.
I greatly admire people who can share things like this. I would NEVER write a blog about how low I feel. If you see me declaring "FML" on the internet, it will be about some trivial matter, like I locked myself out of the house or the shower was cold or my mum called me fat. If I'm ACTUALLY down, I can guarantee that you would not have a clue. I would be posting about ANYTHING positive or funny that I can think of, or nothing at all if it was really that dire.
That's all well for the internet, but I'm like that in real life as well which I think is not such a good thing. I am an internaliser. If I have a serious problem, I do not talk about it. Unless forced to by someone who notices that something is up, at which point I will probably break down into tears and pour my wee heart out. I'm getting better, though. I can now at times admit that all is NOT fine and dandy and I am awfully proud of that!
Anyway, that's enough ranting from me for now... I think what I started off trying to say was: There is a time and place for talk of depression, and #LOFNOTC is not it.
The author of the aforementioned blog, Beth Hommel, felt the same way:
"I love you #LOFNOTC, but I don't want to talk about car accidents or suicide."
RESPECT. She's a smart cookie.
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