The Nation

In which I attempt, in a slightly drunken state, to explain the meaning of "The Nation."

Literally, Nation means penis.

examples:

"did you beep his nation" = did you f*** his penis

"he has quite a large nation EIGH"

"BEEP THE NATION!" (expletive)

But normally when the word "nation" is used, it means SO MUCH MORE.

It kind of refers to the person, as a whole.

examples:

"that is very offensive to my nation" = that offends me

"dominate his nation" = pussywhip the f***er

"ban his nation" = say NO, NO, NO, NO, NO to everything he wants

And then, Nation can basically mean anything you want it to. It's just an excellent multi-purpose word, really.

So, F my nation bitch.

Oh, and here's The Nation song.

IRL

Blog? What's that?

#LOFNOTC? What's that?

Amanda Palmer? Who's that?

(just kidding, I still know who Amanda Palmer is. I know it very well actually.)

Eh, so today Kitten Surprise went shopping for some outfits to wear when we get a gig,

...yeahhhh..... ok.

Whoopsy Daisy

I decided to go through my blog and delete all the old posts I don't like but I don't know how.

It doesn't matter, though, because I can do this, right?

I Need....

I need to sleep more.

I need to eat less.

I need to do more productive activities.

I need to spend less time on the internet.

I need to spend less money.

I need to grow up.

I need to make more of myself.

I need to reach my potential.

I need to get the fuck onto life.

#LOFNOTC peotry it is uterly sopy chiz

Well tonight I was a lonely #LOFNOTC, and spent the most part of the night writing love poems for #LOFNOTC that I have never met. And that is ENOUGH writing for one night, so here they are...

This one's for @Jay_Desu and is the longest poem I've written in a long long time:

I fell in love with AFP last year

And had my first orgasm of the ear

As my obsession grew I came to find

She tends to be quite into going online

There came a point where I felt so much love

That just reading her blog was not enough

I saw that she was tweeting day and night

And thought that I should give this thing a try

I didn't talk to anyone at first

Behind my screen here I just quietly lurked

Every move she made sent to my phone

But in this world I was still all alone

Then one day as I stalked my future wife

A thing called #LOFNOTC entered my life

I don't know how I'd missed it in the past

I jumped into its depths now very fast

Suddenly I found that I had friends

Who were not into all the latest trends

A brotherhood who stay in and get drunk

On Friday nights, I can't believe my luck!

This bridge was written to make you feel smittener

With my sad picture of girl as a Twitterer

Can you extract me from my cyber fantasy

I didn't think so but I'm still convinceable

Will you persist - if your name is Jay_Desu

A billion dollars says I'll maybe love you...

One of the LOFNOTC's a boy called Jay

At first I thought that maybe he is gay

It's not that often one meets a straight man

Who is a big Amanda Palmer fan

But after I had stalked him quite a bit

I realised that he's clearly into tits

My god, he's straight and loves Miss AFP

There cannot be another man for me!

I started having all these fantasies

Of him and AFP all over me

And sometimes Neil was in the picture too

I fucking wish that all these dreams were true

Well, two of them might not know I exist

But one may yet administer his kiss

So tenderly upon my virgin lips

I'm readying all my handcuffs and whips

His smile is such a radiant sparkling light

It shines out from his skin so black as night

Beneath his clothes I want to see and touch

I bet he is all muscular and buff

He's such a geek it turns me the fuck on

So much that I start picturing his dong

Although I don't read comic books or game

I wish that he'd invite me round to play

So wise and worldly is my gorgeous Jay

Impressive QRank skills he does display

He says that he will love me even though

My scores are quite exceptionally low

WIthout the issue of geography

I'd first invite him for a cup of tea

We'd listen to the Dresden Dolls all day

While tweeting at our friends so far away

When night time falls we'd maybe have some drinks

And that leads to exactly what you think

Yes, I just want to make out all the time

And pashing certainly is not a crime

The next bit gets a little bit risque

Well, let's just say that everyone gets laid

And then when it is time to seek some rest

I'd lie my head upon his deep, broad chest

My love, my life, my sweetest darling Jay

I love thee more than any words can say

God bless Amanda and the internet

For you're the nicest chap I've never met

And this one's for @SoulSurrendered and is my first ever sonnet:

I looked up on the Wikipedia

The rules for writing Sonnets just for you

Oh lovely lady Roslyn Delacroix

Who goes by name of SoulSurrendered too

And though I do not know you very well

I do know that you are a #LOFNOTC

So therefore you just must be simply swell

For there's no other way that it could be

And if your avatar's to be believed

You are in fact a leg I'd like to kiss

With fishnets that could catch my heart; i cede

My soul to you, Oh SoulSurrendered Miss!

So now I'm doing better than your ex

I think that means that I deserve some sex!

I have no life.

The Naughty Nuns

This is a song that I wrote with my friends when we were about 14.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Getting fat on chocolate buns.

All those damn naughty nuns,

They will weigh many tonnes.

Sister Kate she looked so sweet,

But she went flashing down the street.

She said it was ‘coz of heat,

But we know who she hoped to meet.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Bathing topless in the sun,

All those damn naughty nuns,

They just wanna have some fun.

Sister Judy, Sister Fay,

Played a trick on Brother Ray.

Put up a poster saying he’s gay,

And he got hit on by Brother Clay.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Sayin’ things about their mums.

All those damn naughty nuns,

What they say would make you stunned.

Sister May, Brother Lance,

They were caught without their pants.

They said it was ‘coz of ants,

But they were doin’ a diff’rent dance.

All those damn naughty nuns,

To confession they all run.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Sister Claire just had a son.

Sister Susan, Father Ted,

Just got caught in the same bed.

She was also seen with Ned,

That’s what all the neighbours said.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Having fun with their huns.

All those damn naughty nuns,

I think she really wants some.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Putting fingers up their bums,

All those damn naughty nuns,

Doin’ it until they come.

What would our parents have said?!

Today I ate a phallic cookie

I'm tired.

If anyone is reading this, and hasn't read my blog from yesterday, read that instead.

Out.

Cheer up... It's only for life

Why do people seem to enjoy talking about how depressed they are/were?

During the last #LOFNOTC, @amandapalmer tweeted the following:

"not to get too dark on this #LOFNOTC, but i think that's what happens when i don't drink. who's ever considered jumping off something high?"

I didn't follow the responses, but apparently "it appears that pretty much every #LOFNOTC has considered jumping off something high. who's been in a car crash? this is fun."

Amanda, are you serious?! This is NOT fun. This is destructive. (I still love you)

Well, car crashes are alright to talk about because they're accidental and stuff, but seriously, considering jumping off something high? Why would you want to spend your Friday nights reliving the darkest days of your life? If you ask me, #LOFNOTC should be all about joly larffing times whizzzz.

And yes, I have considered jumping off something high, but only for fun. I've considered jumping off the Skytower, attached to a harness and ropes but I decided it was not worth the money. I've considered jumping off the bridge in Warkworth but was warned against the rocks not far below the surface. I'm sure I've probably got stuck in a tree at some point and considered jumping out, too. But I don't think any of these were what Amanda was talking about.

She retweeted: "this is the truest truth of trueness RT @Fishelle if you HAVEN'T, you haven't lived. Dark moments are what define the bright ones"

Well, I can agree with the second half of that statement.. but.. I don't think having a dark moment necessarily has to equate to considering plummeting to your death. I certainly have had many a dark moment and on a few occasions have wished I was dead/I had never been born/the entire universe had never been created. But that doesn't mean I considered taking my own life. I guess when I'm that low, I know that things can ONLY get better. And that they WILL get better, even if it doesn't seem like it. And, without fail, they did. To me, the difference between wishing you were dead and considering suicide is about the same as the difference between wishing you had a million dollars and considering robbing a bank.

Meanwhile, @bethofalltrades posted this fantastic blog about depression. This one made me cry. I felt that it was actually constructive. It explains depression to people who have never been depressed. As one of these people, I appreciated it. It gives true insight into someone else's thoughts and feelings.

I greatly admire people who can share things like this. I would NEVER write a blog about how low I feel. If you see me declaring "FML" on the internet, it will be about some trivial matter, like I locked myself out of the house or the shower was cold or my mum called me fat. If I'm ACTUALLY down, I can guarantee that you would not have a clue. I would be posting about ANYTHING positive or funny that I can think of, or nothing at all if it was really that dire.

That's all well for the internet, but I'm like that in real life as well which I think is not such a good thing. I am an internaliser. If I have a serious problem, I do not talk about it. Unless forced to by someone who notices that something is up, at which point I will probably break down into tears and pour my wee heart out. I'm getting better, though. I can now at times admit that all is NOT fine and dandy and I am awfully proud of that!

Anyway, that's enough ranting from me for now... I think what I started off trying to say was: There is a time and place for talk of depression, and #LOFNOTC is not it.

The author of the aforementioned blog, Beth Hommel, felt the same way:

"I love you #LOFNOTC, but I don't want to talk about car accidents or suicide."

RESPECT. She's a smart cookie.

Do as I say.

Just watch this video.

ba-na-na

It's really, really, ridiculously fun to see how many different ways you can say "banana."

Try it. (Maybe with a friend, it might not be so much fun by yourself. But then it might.)

six hundred seventy two

This blog is a wonderful thing, because I can just write whatever the F I want. There are no expectations, from anyone else or from myself.

In the past whenever I've tried keeping a diary, I've always felt some sort of obligation which makes it un-fun. If I'm trying to document my life, then I feel like if I don't write down every detail of my day then it's cheating and if I am going to make an incomplete account of my life then it's not worth bothering at all. So I gave up on that. Then there was the time that I was told that I should keep a journal for make benefit of mental health, but in that case I felt like if I didn't come up with some new feelings about life every day then I wasn't doing it properly. So I started inventing things that I was feeling and then gave up after a while because I ran out of ideas.

I didn't make any wild promises to write about a new Topic every day, or review a movie every day, or write a poem every day, or write more than 500 words every day, or ANYTHING. I just said that I would write SOMETHING in here every day, and that is easy. Though I'm pretty sure I mention food just about every day. Here comes today's food mention (note: this is not a promise that I will talk about food every day from now on, or in fact ever again):

I attempted to recreate the delicious spinach balls that I had at the sushi shop. I had no idea how to do this, what was in them or how to cook them, so they actually turned out nothing like them but still not too bad really. And my flatmates said they smelt good. I could detail everything that went in them, but I won't because I realised sometime during this paragraph that spinach balls are actually extremely boring.

It really upsets me that 672 was not included in The Dresden Dolls Companion. It's one of my favourite songs, though I haven't the foggiest what it's about. Can anyone help? Any enlightenment would be much appreciated.

For anyone who doesn't know the song, the lyrics go like this:

Six hundred seventy two [repeat a few times]

OOOHHHHOOOHHHHOOHHHHHHOOOOHHHHH

Someday they'll find out about you too

One thing I noticed is that it's just "six hundred seventy two" not "six hundred AND seventy two." Is it a normal custom that I don't know about to leave out the "and"?

A Fantasy, A Rant and The Umbrellas of Cherbourg

This semester, I SWEAR I am going to be one of those people that goes to the uni in the morning and stays there ALL DAY. When I'm not in class, I'll go the LIBRARY, and study and do work and shit, and be GOOD AT LIFE. Maybe I'll even take a PACKED LUNCH. Going home for lunch is Bad, because then I will end up doing naughty behaviour like eating for 2 hours straight and going on the internet and watching the television and playing the piano and goodness knows whatever else it is that I usually manage to waste a whole day away doing. And it will be amazing and everybody will look at me and say to each other "that girl is obviously very onto it and stays at uni all day and gets A+ in everything. She probably also has a full-time job and rich and fulfilling social and love lives."

This, of course, is nothing new. It is a fantasy that I have had every semester since I started uni and so far it has not once come even close to true. There was this one period for about two weeks before exams (semester 2, 2008) where I was getting up at 6 every morning to do exercise and being at uni by 9 and staying there until 10-11pm and it was AMAZING and I totally DOMINATED the beep outta those exams and I thought it was going to last forever. But it didn't, because I suck at life. But this time is going to be DIFFERENT. Because there is no reason why I SHOULDN'T, or CAN'T do this. Maybe I'll just do it, like, 3 days a week or something. Even one day a week would be a start. But I'm going to do it SOMETIMES, and then maybe I will start doing it MORE and I am hoping that somewhere in the middle of all this I will transform into a GROWN-UP or at least a teenager....

Speaking of grown-ups: Mature students. Ugh. My Film Music lecturer announced that she was going to discuss the plot of West Side Story and put up a slide about it. Instantly some Mature Student blurted out "IT'S QUITE SIMILAR TO ROMEO AND JULIET EH." OH REALLY, YOU DON'T SAY. IT'S ONLY, LIKE, BASED ON IT AND SHIT. SO CONGRATULATIONS FOR YOUR AMAZING OBSERVATION. YOU'RE SO WORLDLY. And also, if you'd bother to read the slide, before butting in, IT ALREADY SAYS THAT IN LARGE WRITING ON THE SCREEN IN FRONT OF THE CLASS.

OK rant over.

Later on in the same class, we watched The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. If anyone hasn't seen this (which seems likely as no-one in the class had seen it), it's pretty crazy. It's all in French, and it's all sung. Not actual songs with catchy tunes though like what you would expect from a musical... Just normal dialogue, but sung over some background music and often sounds kinda tuneless and random.. Anyway, it left me feeling really sad. I think it was the fact that the two people who are obviously in love and perfect for each other and meant to be etc etc.. ended up happily married, but not to each other. I was outraged that they would dare to be happy with other people. Obviously not 100% happy, but happy enough not to get back together like they should have. Rah. Saying that, I thought that the female character was absolutely pathetic (she kept saying things like "don't leave me, I'll die without you" about one thousand times) so perhaps the dude was better off without her anyway. And perhaps the only way she could have a functional relationship was to be with someone she doesn't really feel that tragic way about.

Why even bother?

Basically, any blog that I write could never be anywhere near as good as this one.

So why try? The best thing I can do for you today is to direct you to this entity of WIN.

Reorientation Is Fun

I'm pretty sure I am the only person in the WORLD who is lame enough to write a blog every single day. And I don't even have an interesting life to write about!

Somehow, my washing basket swapped places with my printer. I think that is a good thing.

We have something growing on the windowsill in the kitchen. I can't believe I never noticed it until Alex pointed it out:

The discovery of this made me also notice the impressive collection of dead insects on the windowsill, and the fact that the windows are pretty much covered with mould. Cool. I have a strange feeling that if I don't clean it, no one else is likely to, but my gosh I really don't want to touch it...

Meanwhile, it's Re-O Week, and I can hear drunk people everywhere, and I am a little bit sad that I have progressed so far into the state of nana-ness that not only am I not joining in the fun, but I don't even WANT to. I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE I AM MISSING OUT.

THIS is what I SHOULD look like in Re-O Week (this was the 2008 edition):

Here is what I look like now...

Oh dear.

The Nation

Why do I ALWAYS put off writing my daily blog until I want to go to sleep?!

I am seriously sore from all the sit-ups/bicycle crunches/planks I did yesterday (all 1o minutes of them) but my stomach is NOT any flatter. Wah! I just managed to waste another evening away doing sweeeet f.a. and that is how I like it. And now I see that the internet has disconnected itself yet again... whyyyy does it always do this to me?! I think it might be because my room is quite far away from the modem as it seems to happen more often in my bedroom than in the lounge. People who are Good At Computers, is this a likely cause? Well I guess I can't post this blog until I manage to make it connect again (that can take some time) so might as well keep writing. It makes me laugh how our wireless network thingee is called "The Nation." Definitely need a new sense of humour. And The Nation is not cooperating right now.

Tomorrow I am going to force someone at the uni to tell me how many papers I need to do so I can get this dang music degree doneskis. For two years now they have been telling me that they are not sure whether I can count a certain paper towards my degree or not and tomorrow is the day where it suddenly actually MATTERS and I have to get a straight answer out of them and I am hoping that I can count it because I don't particularly want to do 5 papers this semester.. not because I have a problem with doing 5 papers in itself, it's just that there aren't that many that are actually offered and that I have done the prerequisites for, and I think there are actually only about 5 that I CAN do. So I won't be getting much choice in what I am studying by the looks.

The Nation is up again - that means I can shut up now. Goodnight!

MUST BLOG BEFORE SLEEPING

My flatmate had a dream that Miley Cyrus was walking round with no undies on. Just a t-shirt. I think she might have been about to get married too, or something... Can anyone interpret this?

I just ate chips and chocolate and now I feel sick. And my feet hurt. I think I'm going to make some hotties and go to bed. In fact, I'm going to do that NOW.

Am now in bed with my hotties which are for some reason not very hot. Better than nothing though. So I am quite happy about that.

Well... what else happened today? Rach and I walked up Signal Hill and then came home and did ab exercises. The entire flat went to a party and it was the first time in weeks that we have all been together and by some coincidence we were ALL wearing black dresses. I went to a new bar called "The Innocent Bystander" which is pretty much awesome just for its name. There were a billion people that I knew there. Despite vowing not to walk home, I did, and I survived. There were some dudes sliding down the icy hill. They seemed to be having a lot of fun. They were also quoting "my spoon is too big" and then in the same voice saying "my penis is bleeding." Drunk people can be a right laugh. And now it is 3:30 and I must seek sleep, for I am determined to be Good At Life and part of that is having Normal Sleeping Habits

wine

I am in my bed in Dunedin and it is freezing and I love it!

I finished Anansi Boys in one night and one morning. I enjoyed it, but it was nothing on American Gods. Then I went back to the Sushi Gallery and had more spinach balls and one of the magical rice sandwiches and it didn't fall apart and everyone was amazed. And I was a massive mess as per usual and JUST made it onto the plane on time and had two glasses of wine on the plane.

This is a big deal for me. I was really sick around the end of last year, and in the end got told I am all-sorts-of-things intolerant. So since February I have been banned from gluten, sugar, alcohol, soy, peanuts and chemicals. It hasn't been too hard, really, and I have broken the diet a few times, mainly the sugar rule, but that is the most alcohol I have had the whole time. All it really did was make me super sleepy. And it tasted awful. I think the longer I go without drinking, the less I miss it. These days there's nothing I would do drunk that I wouldn't do sober. I have a feeling when I finally DO get drunk, it won't be all that great.

When I saw that my flatmate had folded my washing while I was gone, I thought "awww how sweet." Then I noticed the rogue unidentified sock on the floor and realised that she only did it because she wanted to use my drying rack. Ha.

Well I was falling asleep 4 hours ago. cannot keep eyes open any longer. can hardly type. good night.

I can run up Palmer St

I might shave my legs today.

And my pits.

I haven't touched a razor for, like, a month. Why? Because I don't fucking HAVE to. It's winter, no one can see, I haven't had sex for two months and I'm LAZY. But it's gotten to the stage where I feel like it's either shave, or start shampooing.

Plus, I can't handle being fat AND hairy. I went to go for a run today, and realised that my running shorts were in the car that my father had just driven off in. And so started the search for a pair of shorts that I can fit.. I tried on about 6 pairs, of both mine and my dad's, before I found some that I could (just, and very uncomfortably) get done up. A few months ago, these same shorts were hanging off me, and the ones that I couldn't get done up today were fitting me comfortably.

At least I'm reasonably fit, if not skinny. Yar Sux Boo. Quote from a very skinny friend: "I look at Palmer St and have a heart attack." It's pretty much vertical. I CAN RUN UP IT. I JUST DID. Take that, skinny bitches at the gym!

Capitalism Stole My Virginity

Today was the last day of my two weeks of Holiday-Work. It was a good two weeks and I will miss everyone at the Council but I am SO happy to have (nearly) a week to just relax. Tomorrow I am going shopping with my mother and Olivia. I intend to purchase a new sports bra. That is about all that I need. What I would REALLY like is a billion dollars for postgraduate study. I was looking into Masters programmes overseas today, and saw this amazing one where you spread your time between 2-3 different Nordic universities over 2 years. It's so perfect except I just don't think I can afford it. It's here, if anyone's interested. I'm going to just apply for every scholarship I can for every overseas Masters programme I think... hopefully I will get one, somewhere.. I think being a female helps as Energy Management tends to be a male-dominated field. So, yay for being a girl! :D

Anyway, before I think too much about that I've gotta focus on getting my undergrad degrees, I guess. I'm trying to plan my study for this coming semester but there is just way too much uncertainty. Like, I don't know if I can count one of my papers towards my degree or not (when I asked last year, I was given a "maybe".. how helpful.) I also don't know whether one of the papers I want to do is offered this semester. Word on the street is that it's not, but there is absolutely nothing on the website to indicate this fact, and I am enrolled in it and course approved for it and everything. So we will see. Somehow I will end up graduating from both my degrees at the end of 2011, I am determined to do that. I cannot stay here any longer. I want to leave Dunedin and I want to leave NZ. Not that I don't like them, but I think I've got everything out of them that I can for now.. I need a change of scenery, and soooon..... It's encouraging to think that the end is in sight.

Ramblefest

It's always late at night when I remember that I vowed to write a blog every day. I have a headache and there's a massive storm blowing outside and I haven't got out of bed all day (except to eat, shower, toilet) and I finished reading American Gods and I slept and I watched the entire week of Shortland Street and I watched Monday's episode of Desperate Housewives and now I am caught up on television and it is funny how that all links together and I am worshipping the god of the tv but then if I wasn't worshipping the modern gods like technology and all that then I wouldn't be worshipping the traditional gods anyway because that's just not me. And I was thinking about the last nine-week period and the ten-week period before that and the seven-week period before that and the six-week period before that and the 39-week period before that and the eight-week period before that. And I am wondering why I let those 39+6=45 weeks go on for so long when they should have been over in the same time as all the other phases of life or maybe even less. And I am adding up the numbers even further and 8+39+6=53 and that is just over one year and if you count back the weeks you will see that that 53 week period is pretty much just 2009 and I wonder why 2009 was as it was. But if 2009 hadn't happened then 2010 so far wouldn't have happened either and I wonder what would have been different? And maybe my life would have been a whole lot easier but then I wouldn't have gone through the same experiences and I wouldn't be the same person that I am today so I guess at the end of it all I can only be glad that it happen and that I learnt my lesson and hope that I won't do dumb shit again. And every now and then I realise that I have grown up a little and in some small way I am more mature and I feel good about that because I thought I would never grow up, and I still feel like a child but I know that if I have to then I can do whatever I need to do. I might not have much worldly knowledge or experience but I know that I will get by and I know that if I need help there are people who will help me. And I know that awful things are going to happen in my future, things that will devastate me at the time and I will feel like it is never going to get better but then it will and I won't even notice it happening but then one day I will just realise that everything is OK again and the fact that everything is OK will make me feel much much more than OK.

Date Rape

It's hard to write a blog every single day.

Tonight I asked what dates are made from, and everyone laughed at me. I always thought they were one of those dried fruits that are actually just another fruit in disguise, like sultanas and raisins are secretly grapes and prunes are secretly plums. But no, apparently dates are actually a fruit in their own right as ane fule kno.

This reminded me of some Alison Palmer quotes:

"Olives are just rotten grapes"

"Aren't beef and lamb the same thing anyway?"

Ali: "Why is my stir-fry so frothy?"

Me: "I don't know.. it looks like someone put dishwash in it..."

Ali" I don't think I did..." *opens cupboard under sink* "I used this oil here... aw sheeeet"

(our oil and dishwash DO come in very similar containers. But we don't usually keep the oil under the sink. Hmmm)

GBML

God bless the lovely Bryce who found my wallet, called my bank and left it at a restaurant for me. God bless the lovely Anne at the bank who cancelled my cards and called my home and told my parents where it was. God bless my lovely father who drove with me all the way back to Albany where I had left it to retrieve it. There are so many good people in this world. There are also so many bad people, but luckily none of them were involved in my day. God Bless My Life.

Principal

I need to sleep. Today was good. Mum was kind.