Mater And Pater

I heart my parents.

Mama Chiz is overseas, and for Papa Chiz's 64th birthday I have been instructed to play him "When I'm 64" and then give him the following along with a bottle of wine:

Now that you’re balding

Getting a few wrinkles

Here’s birthday greetings

And a bottle of wine.

If you’re out til quarter to three a.m.

I definitely would lock the door!

But I still need you

I’ll still feed you

When you’re 64.

I am older

And I say yes, please

We can stay together for your old age pension.

You are so handy

making concrete blocks

and I enjoy knitting

but under air conditioning

doing the garden, digging the weeds

but don’t forget the compost

and I do still need you

and I'll still feed you

whatever age you'll attain.

Forget the summer cottage

Omit the grandchildren

My knees are too frail for them

Is it too late now to learn

Scrimping and Saving?

Do you still need a postcard

When you get multiple emails

Get with the times, old fellow

We’re whizzing in cyberspace now!

And yes I still need you

And I will still feed you

When you’re sixty-four.

And here's them at their wedding long before they ever became parents to a Chiz

(a chiz is a swiz or a swindle as ane fule kno)

Sometimes I Get Sad (I am sad) and Why I Am A Whale

Love


Sometimes I remember the fifty million people I am tragically and unrequitedly in love with and I get sad.

A small sample: Two of the fifty million

Then I remember that if my love was anything but unrequited I would either be even sadder or stop caring.


Life


Sometimes I remember that I don't know what I want to do with my life and my current direction seems to be screwed and I get sad.


Then I think of all the things that I could be doing and I get sad that I am not doing them but happy that I can, and that maybe one day I will.

Apparently one time I actually did what I wanted to

Family


Sometimes I think that I will probably never truly get to know my parents because they will always be my parents and I get sad. And I think that some day they won't be here and I'll regret all the time I never spent with them and I get very sad indeed.

Look how COOL they were before they were Mama and Papa Chiz.

Then I don't really know what to do about that.


The World


Sometimes I look at the state of the world and get sad and wish that I had been born 100 years ago when it was not quite so messed up. 


Then I drown myself in the internet.

Allie Brosh does it best. "INTERNET! FOREVER..."

People


Sometimes I hate everyone for being human and selfish and greedy. I resent people just for existing. I assume the worst of people; that they are ill-intentioned with ulterior motives for every apparently good deed.


Then someone will do something thoroughly kind and selfless and I have nothing but love for everyone. I can see everyone in a different light and make up excuses to myself for others' bad behaviour.


Some Reflections On Whaledom

Sometimes when I cook I weep.

Sometimes when I weep I eat.

Whales can only live in water

#winning

Look at me! Look at me! I won an award! A blogging award!

OK I started writing this post when I won it the first time and now I have won it AGAIN! Whoopeedee! The same award TWICE! (is this even possible?)


Now the conditions for accepting this award are:

• Thank the person who gave you this award
• Name 7 things about yourself
• Pass the award along to 15 other bloggers (new or newly discovered ones?)
• Contact those bloggers to let them know they have won.

So, firstly - a big thank you to Ruby and Julie for thinking I am cool :)

Seven things about myself? I don't much like talking about myself as is, so I am going to tell you seven of my goals in life, aspirations, dreams, whatever.


1. To be a rockstar. Or a struggling indie not star. Basically to be able to make a living out of music and not have to Grow Up and get a Real Job.


2. To be good at singing or at least be able to sing in tune. This would definitely help with the first one.


3. To date a gay man. Or slam a gay man. Preferably both.


4. To see some sort of aurora. Borealis or Australis.


5. To get a written work published. Something. Anything. Somewhere. Anywhere. That would be rad.


6. To spend at least a year in total solitude in the middle of nowhere.


7. To push the boundaries until they break.

Now I'm going to put my boundary-pushing into action and break the rules (naughty naughty, smack my bottom if you like) and not list 15 blogs. Going for quality rather than quantity here, folks (it's like the difference between second law and first law thermodynamic efficiency). The reason for this is that I think a list of 15 is very intimidating and maybe if I put less here y'all are more likely to actually check them out.


I'll start with the lovely ladies who gave me the awards:


1. Loverly by Ruby. She has a wonderful way of expressing herself with pictures.


2. Moody Mudi by Julie. She is from NORWAY and has cute dogs. 


Now for some Other People I Think Are Worth Reading.


3. Destroyed or Damaged by Aaron. I fancy him. He writes fantastic stories.


4. Where Is Justin? by Anna. I have no words. She is amazing. If you like what you see, she also has a tumblr.


5. Honeybone and Life by Rachel. She writes about her band which is a rocking party and her life which is a larffing party. I highly (very highly) recommend her solo album.


6. Scarlet Pancakes by Sally. She has just started blogging and I expect Great Things.


7. ShirtyNile by my Internet Uncle (everyone has an Internet Uncle, right?) He is my fountain of wisdom and pillar of morality.


I'm gunna stop here and keep it as two lists of seven. I like repetitive themes. A sense of constancy is comforting, is it not?


As an EXTREME rule breaker I'm also not going to notify these people that they won. I should hope that they read ol' Bob anyway, hem-hem.

Don't Forget I Don't Need Anyone

I am having extreme difficulty balancing Being Nice To Others with Looking After Myself.


I don't know whether I like myself very much anymore. I mean, mostly I think I'm pretty fucking rad. But I am also very selfish. I think this is the only way to survive though as when it comes down to it everyone else is selfish too. Or most of them. At least everyone that my selfishness affects is, I think.


I'm not sure whether I love myself or hate myself, I'm not sure whether I love everyone and the world and humanity or hate them.


When I start looking at myself in a negative light, I know that something needs to change but I don't know whether that is my behaviour or my perception of myself. Because I don't know if I'm just normal or exceptionally nice or exceptionally selfish. I really don't know where I fit in on the Selfishness Continuum.


My online dating social experiment is destroying my faith in humanity but I think it is good to be informed. Though about 2 of the 200ish people who have messaged me have seemed to be capable of stringing more than three words together - and at that, words that are about something other than sex, or relationships, or being bored.


People keep apologising to me all the time and I keep feeling bad about being mean to them or bitching about them when they then go and be all sorry and stuff but I think maybe this is wrong of me because they are the ones who did the thing to be sorry about in the first place.


I am beginning to see the point of monogamous relationships, I think. It's like.. in the world, generally everyone only thinks about themselves, right? And then when you get into a relationship it's all like "I'll also think about you if you also think about me." And it's nice to have someone who will make your feelings almost as important to them as their own are. It's even better to have someone who will make your feelings more important than theirs, I guess? I don't think I would feel comfortable with that though. It kinda imposes a responsibility on you to then look out for that person and make sure they don't do dumb things for you and then resent you and.. augh. I think too much. Why can't I just relate to others like normal people do?

WHY IT IS EXCELLENT TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP ALL THE TIME

I kinda started writing a few things in here and then I changed my mind. 

I think what I was trying to say is that sometimes fucking up is the best thing one can do for oneself. I started off trying to write about case studies but now I think I will make it a purely theoretical blog.

1. Often if one fucks up, one learns a lesson. So when one gets to the thing that REALLY matters, one doesn't fuck it up.

2. Sometimes the thing that one fucks up is something that one would not be doing anyway if one knew what was good for oneself.

3. Sometimes if one fucks up Plan A, one must resort to Plan B, and then Plan B may lead to a new Plan A+

SHUNT. Some thoughts, some rage, whatevs

I hate how one's body can detract from what really matters. I am more than the lumps of fat on my chest.

I do not exist to entertain you when you are bored. Bored people are boring. My mother always told me that only boring people get bored. I think she was right.

If you feel a burning desire to contact me, don't ask me how I am or what I am up to and don't ask me for favours. Unless you are on my List Of People Who Are Fucking Awesome, you probably won't get a reply.

I can't build relationships. I prefer to interact with people on a casual basis. Like applying the one night stand or the fuckbuddy concept to friendships.

People always laugh at me. They think I'm joking when I'm not. Or maybe I am, I'm not sure myself.

Double standards are uncool. You don't want to be uncool, do you?

I am a fucking failure at life and the Fraud Police are going to get me but maybe being put in Fraud Jail isn't the worst thing that could happen.

I have no self-control when it comes to eating or the internet.

I don't know what I want. I think I just want it ALL.