Here We Are Again

And here I find myself at the end of another year. How the time has flown by! And my, how my circumstances have improved since this time last year.

Me on NYE last year: Too fucking sick, mentally and physically, to celebrate, and in an unhappy relationship. This relationship ended a few days into 2010 and since then things have only gone uphill. Well there were a few bumps.... but it's been a good year.

I remember sending him an mp3 of AFP's "Another Year." meaning that I might consider getting back with him in another year when I had, you know, sorted myself out and shit.

FUCK THAT.

Everything is so good now.

So. I have three goals for 2011.

1. Graduate twice. Get first class honours.
2. Lose 15 kg
3. Find something to do in 2012 that is either Not Studying or Not In New Zealand and preferably both.

And my New Years Resolution should help me achieve all of these goals. It's the same as it always is, of course:

Be Good At Life

Here's to Life. Chairs mate eigh. Bring on 2011 baby!

Junkie

This is what I do when I am meant to be working.

I see an expression I like and get the wrong sorts of ideas, i.e. ones that rhyme but aren't actually useful for my project. (I also spend far too much time playing with the magnetic poetry on the fridge...)

This one was "oil addiction."

I'm trippin' again
Feel that rush in my veins
I'm addicted

But I don't wanna be high
No I don't wanna fly
So conflicted

My behaviour gives me cause for reflectin
I try to stick to green, all that other shit I'm rejectin
Even when I say I'm clean I know you're suspectin
And you're right, coz I never stopped injectin

Money into the economy
A fix will never come for free
Capitalist society
Bring your cash and follow me

I always want just one more hit
Pay for it with cash, eftpos or credit
I'll sell my body to fuel my fuel habit
Anything you want baby you can have it

When I say I need junk I don't mean drugs
I mean clothes and toys and gadgets and mugs
I'm on a speed high then I'm in my car
Feeling that rush as I drive so fucking fast

Just How I Have Been Feeling Lately

My life is so full of eternal fail and there are so many things that are not quite right or are in fact completely wrong.

I am resentful of so many things and I think that society is stupid and we are doomed and ra ra ra ra you get the gist.

And yet I can't help but be absolutely delighted with every moment.

I am filled with this strange happiness that nothing can ruin.

Has someone been slipping drugs into the drinking water?????

Victoria

I wrote a song last night. Here is how it goes.

if you're really that keen to be dead

then take a bullet to your stupid head

if you're kind you'll shoot your children too

to save them suffering because of you

you're homical suicidal

so sadistic masochistic

it's our fate that you dictate

please save us before it's too late

you've always got all the latest things

living the lifestyle of a king

but that shit won't help you at last call

the higher you are the further you'll fall

you're so high in the society

egotistic not holistic

deaf and dumb and blind and numb

you're living in an oil drum

you've got that smug look upon your face

as you kill the whole damn human race

making orphans everywhere you go

mass murder from the comfort of your home

you're homical suicidal

so sadistic masochistic

it's our fate that you dictate

please save us before it's too late

you're so high in the society

egotistic not holistic

deaf and dumb and blind and numb

you're living in an oil drum

with all the torture you've caused worldwide

i understand your grounds for suicide

but why'd you have to take me down as well?

you selfish bitch, i hope you go to hell

you're homical suicidal

so sadistic masochistic

it's our fate that you dictate

please save us before it's too late

you're so high in the society

egotistic not holistic

deaf and dumb and blind and numb

you're drowning in an oil drum

we're drowning in an oil drum

we're drowning in an oil drum

look at what we've become

how could we be so dumb

we're drowning in an oil drum....

And in case anyone wants to know who Victoria is, she appears in this video from about 7:30 onwards:

come on, fuck the world

I fully intended to make this actually good one day, but it is common knowledge that I never finish anything I start and so I might as well put it up here before I actually forget about it forever and it gets lost into the void of my hard drive. This is a "fuck you, world" thing.

P.S. I haven't actually slept with or eaten out anyone's mum. But I will. You just wait.

(while writing the above I just remembered the existence of this song. I used to listen to this in about 2006)

it's my life and i'll do what i want

i'll eat out your mum and then i'll eat a croissant

fuck expectations, fuck society

fuck sobriety and fuck propriety

i'll read fantasies about mythical creatures

then i'll fantasize about fucking my teachers

i'll spend a whole week locked up in my lair

writing songs i know no one's ever gunna hear

i'll drink by myself and go on the internet

talking to all these lofnotc i've never met

i'll video chat wearing just my bra

i'll chat them up and get them all to call me sasha

i'll drink till i can't fuck and then i'll fuck anyway

and promise him that he'll see me again some day

i'll smoke some unknown shit just to see what it'll do

then freak out, put myself to bed and think i miss you

i'll try to save the world from the human race

and secretly hope we disappear without a trace

not knowing if i'm doing this because i really care

or just because to live i need to make a career

i'll date guys i don't like, just so i can flirt

without the danger of heartbreak and hurt

i'll fuck even more, you can call me a whore

but it's more fun than crying over someone i adore

i'll sing you a song, though i know it's off key

stuff i could sell i'll give away for free

then i'll complain about being flat broke

and promptly go spend money on some dumb shit for a joke

I'll buy gluten free pasta and organic produce

sugar free chocolate and preservative free juice

then i'll go to mcdonalds for a burger and fries

an ice cream sundae, and a hot apple pie

i'll put broccoli and chili powder into birthday cakes

be vegetarian for one week and then cook up four steaks

i'll wear the same hoodie every day of the week

i'll make a bet and lose the game and have to do a streak

now you may say that all the things i do are really dumb

and all i have to say to that is, bitch i did your mum

i've only got one lifetime, and i'll do just what i please

no point in living if you miss these opportunities

i don't give a fuck what i should or shouldn't do

and i don't give a fuck whether anyone approves

your picture perfect life looks like utter misery

keep your kids and SUV, I'll take the liberty

I Am A Loner

One of these days I am going to rent a cabin somewhere in the middle of nowhere for one year or maybe even longer. And I am going to go live in it by myself with no phone and no internet and all I will do is read books and listen to music and play music and write music and go for walks and swims and be naked all the time and sit in trees and play games with myself like I used to when I was a little kid and I had no brothers or sisters and my parents were busy and I went and played outside by myself after school every day. And then when I return to society perhaps I will better appreciate the friends that I have and the technology that I have access to or perhaps I will see how stupid it all is and go back where I just came from and be a hermit forever. I don't know which way it will go but I do know that I need to get away from all this for a bit and I know that I won't get the opportunity for at least a few years but I can wait and I am determined to make it happen. Because this is the only life that I have and I want to do what I want with it because if I don't do what I want to do then what is the point in living it at all? Fuck expectations and obligations and fuck what anyone thinks I should do and what anyone thinks I should want. I'll please myself.

Delta At Pi Exclamation mark Three Pound (or Look I Can Do This Too)

This is shit.

This may be a big surprise:

You're not the centre of my life

I know you think that you're darn tootin'

But I'm more busy avoiding gluten

No, I do not spend my days

Dreaming up all of the ways

That I could cause you misery

Or make you have to contact me

Your arrogance shines like a light

When you think that I want to fight

Like I have nothing better to do

Than bicker over shit with you

So sure, I read your stuff online

But not because for you I pine

I'm not obsessed with you, you see

I'm really just obsessed with me

Call me vain and self-absorbed

(or a "souless cheating whore")

But you know how I love attention

And if I ever get a mention

In your poetry or prose

I am going to want to know.

When I saw those lies on your page

Initially I just felt rage

That you'd put me in such a light

At least get your fucking facts right

I'm not the model girlfriend, sure

I might be a bitch but I'm not a whore

As for lies, I can think of one time

And I don't think that's what you had in mind

But several times I caught YOU lying

Many nights you left me crying

Not sure when you think I strayed

I would never cheat, no way

I have a clue who you suspect

Well, he was the least of your threats

I see a lot of irony

That soulless is what you call me

When you're the one that couldn't feel

Couldn't love me quite for real

Although you thought it in your head

Emotionally you were dead

Just some incoherent ramblings. Jahr

Oooh, oooh, look at me! I'm writing a blog!

... on a Saturday night... No I don't have a life... and that is how I like it :)

Well, I've just had a week of holidays, and I do not know where that week went. I had so many plans to do so much, and I just did sweeeet sweeeet fanny adams. Yay. I attempted to do some mixing of the tracks that Kitten Surprise recorded. It was hard, because there is more drums in the guitar track than there is guitar. Haha. Still, they don't sound TOO bad. It'll be exciting when we get some vocals to go over them, and it'll also take some focus off the rest of it :D

I read House of Leaves this week. It was good, but not THAT good. It was just kinda.. novel, I think. A novel novel. Ahaha. It was boring at parts, and I can see that there are lots of mysteries and codes within it that one could spend hours studying, but I don't know if I can be bothered. It freaked me out at times but it didn't make me think I was going crazy and it didn't change my life. So.. yeah, it was a good book, just not quite everything that it was hyped up to be. I'll definitely read it again sometime. Maybe I'll even purchase a copy. I could become highly interested in it, but not obsessed. Yeah. At least it's not Twilight, eh?

I also did laundry, got my hair cut, went shopping, ate a lot, transferred stuff from one computer to another and played my ukulele. Oh, and went on the internet. But that goes without saying. And that is how you waste an entire week. yaaaaaaaaaay ^^

Unblog

I am failing at blogging and I am failing even more at doing exercise but I will worry about that next week.

Stolen from the blog of the lovely Ruby Claire

What are you planning to do tomorrow?
Go to the uni all day... and then dominate the shit at open mic night!

What are you looking forward to in the next couple of days?
Open mic night. And sleeping..

Are you doing anything tonight?
Well of course I am doing something. I'm not doing anything dreadfully exciting, but I am doing a few different things...

How do you feel about your hair?
I think I would like to cut it shorter.

Did you get anything off your chest today?

Um... I don't think so.

If you could go back 8 months and change something, would you?
There are things out of my control that I would change if I could, but I wouldn't do anything differently. It worked out alright

Do you fall for people easily?
No, but then I fall hard. ow

Feel like talking to someone that you haven’t in a while?
Absolutely

Who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day?
Gosh.. I don't know.. hopefully no one. A stranger who knows none of my friends hahaha

Do you believe in forever?
No, but forever believes in me

Believe in love at first sight?
No

Is there someone you wish you were with right now?
Kinda yes but also I am quite happy chilling out on my lonesome

What do you spend most of your money on?
Food

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents?
Several

How’s your heart lately?
In a right state actually, funny that that should come up right after the parents question eh

How late did you stay up last night and why?
About 1ish? Because I was out at a party and then I was tired and came home early and went on the internet and ate lots and went to sleep..

Do you see anything changing in the near future?
Of course. Everything changes all the time

Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed?
Haha. No. I only get hickeys from myself

Where would you rather be right now?
Nowhere. Quite happy here. If I really wanted to be somewhere else, I would probably be there.

Do you honestly believe that good things happen to those who wait?
I don't think waiting has anything to do with whether good things happen to you

Is there a difference between love and being in love?
Of course

Do you hate being alone?
No, I love it

Who knows a secret about you that no one else knows?
Lord, I don't know. I can't think of anything that only one person knows. If there was something, it would probably be Dan...

What color is your hair?
Dark brown almost black slash some people just call it black

What was the last song you sang along to?

Can't remember. Something awful and poppy I think...

Two years ago, were you the same person as you are now?
In ways... but not really

Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
I don't know... who is my best friend anyway?

Did you get any compliments today?
Doubt it

When did you last hold hands with someone?
Who knows? A billion trillion years ago? Actually I seem to remember holding hands with someone not long ago, but I have no recollection who, and it was extremely unromantic. It was one of those not-losing-each-other-in-the-crowd type things.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
Yes.

Done any illegal drugs?

Yes. When you're underage, alcohol is an illegal drug

Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

No! So offensive, how did I manage to miss out on this?!

Have you ever gone to a beach?
Once or twice......

Have you seen your best friend(s) naked?
Once again, who is my best friend?

Will tomorrow be better than today?
It will be.. different. There will be some aspects that are worse and some that are better.

One thing you’re looking forward to?
Upcoming gigs!

Are you tan?
No, but I'm not completely un-tan either

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Who said I'm wearing a shirt?.... I got my dressing gown at Bed Bath & Beyond in Dunedin.

Is there something that reminds you of someone every time you see/hear it?

There are many things that remind me of many people every time I see/hear them.

What were you doing last night at midnight?
Walking home I think. Or maybe I was already home.

Can you get over people easily?
It feels hard for me, but I think compared to other people I am pretty good at it..

If you could change your eye color would you?
Maybe a little bit lighter

How are you?
Alive

Kissed someone older than you?

Yes

Who was the last person in your bed?
Brendon hahaha

Do you miss anyone?
Yes

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment?
Sometimes. Depends whether I believe it haha

Can you do push ups?
Not really. I can do lady push-ups. Or like, one normal push-up. haha

Can you do a chin up?
No

Name 3 things you bought in the last week
Pizza, beer, apples

Have you ever been given roses..
No. I have been given A Rose, but not plural roses

What’s your best feature?
I don't know. That's subjective, isn't it?

A Conversation

Walking home behind a drunk couple. They turn and look at me.

Me: "I like how you can walk straight and stuff"

Girl: "Thanks. I like your nose piercing. When did you get it done?" (I don't have a nose piercing)

Me: "Thanks. I just got it done today."

Girl: "Cool. I'm getting mine done next week, you should come."

Me: "Yeah I definitely will."

Girl: "Cool, see you on Wednesday at 10 at Di Lusso" (Di Lusso is a bar)

LOL. Life is funny

This Post Used To Have 25 Photos And Now It Has Two.

I have a crush on Kitten Surprise.

Great Loss

This is the first draft of my song about Great Loss. Hopefully no-one gets too offended by it.

I fell in love with one young man

We made so many future plans

Got married, had a family

And lived forever happily

But then I caught him with some whore

And now I'm filing for divorce

Oh well,

No great loss.

I invested in some shares

And made myself a billionaire

Threw parties for all my friends

Felt like my wealth would never end

But then I found myself in debt

They took my house, they took my jet

Oh well,

No great loss.

Trying to impress the gals

So they'd want to be more than pals

I bought myself a flashy car

And drove around town very fast

Now the car's a bloody wreck

I lost both legs and broke my neck

Oh well,

No great loss

I had a daughter oh so sweet

One day for a special treat

We took her to a park nearby

She swung so high she touched the sky

Then she fell and hit her head

Now my baby girl is dead

Oh well,

No great loss

Losing things is really bad

It makes everyone feel sad

Unless it's your virginity

That's a happy thing you see.

When I was a child of four

I had a toy cat I adored

This thing of which I was so fond

I dropped one day into the pond

It crushed my soul, it broke my heart

From life I wanted to depart

Oh no,

Such great loss

Oh no, such great loss

Oh no, my greatest loss

Bye Bye

It was lovely.

Flip

I seem to have lost interest in blogging.

The Nation

In which I attempt, in a slightly drunken state, to explain the meaning of "The Nation."

Literally, Nation means penis.

examples:

"did you beep his nation" = did you f*** his penis

"he has quite a large nation EIGH"

"BEEP THE NATION!" (expletive)

But normally when the word "nation" is used, it means SO MUCH MORE.

It kind of refers to the person, as a whole.

examples:

"that is very offensive to my nation" = that offends me

"dominate his nation" = pussywhip the f***er

"ban his nation" = say NO, NO, NO, NO, NO to everything he wants

And then, Nation can basically mean anything you want it to. It's just an excellent multi-purpose word, really.

So, F my nation bitch.

Oh, and here's The Nation song.

IRL

Blog? What's that?

#LOFNOTC? What's that?

Amanda Palmer? Who's that?

(just kidding, I still know who Amanda Palmer is. I know it very well actually.)

Eh, so today Kitten Surprise went shopping for some outfits to wear when we get a gig,

...yeahhhh..... ok.

Whoopsy Daisy

I decided to go through my blog and delete all the old posts I don't like but I don't know how.

It doesn't matter, though, because I can do this, right?

I Need....

I need to sleep more.

I need to eat less.

I need to do more productive activities.

I need to spend less time on the internet.

I need to spend less money.

I need to grow up.

I need to make more of myself.

I need to reach my potential.

I need to get the fuck onto life.

#LOFNOTC peotry it is uterly sopy chiz

Well tonight I was a lonely #LOFNOTC, and spent the most part of the night writing love poems for #LOFNOTC that I have never met. And that is ENOUGH writing for one night, so here they are...

This one's for @Jay_Desu and is the longest poem I've written in a long long time:

I fell in love with AFP last year

And had my first orgasm of the ear

As my obsession grew I came to find

She tends to be quite into going online

There came a point where I felt so much love

That just reading her blog was not enough

I saw that she was tweeting day and night

And thought that I should give this thing a try

I didn't talk to anyone at first

Behind my screen here I just quietly lurked

Every move she made sent to my phone

But in this world I was still all alone

Then one day as I stalked my future wife

A thing called #LOFNOTC entered my life

I don't know how I'd missed it in the past

I jumped into its depths now very fast

Suddenly I found that I had friends

Who were not into all the latest trends

A brotherhood who stay in and get drunk

On Friday nights, I can't believe my luck!

This bridge was written to make you feel smittener

With my sad picture of girl as a Twitterer

Can you extract me from my cyber fantasy

I didn't think so but I'm still convinceable

Will you persist - if your name is Jay_Desu

A billion dollars says I'll maybe love you...

One of the LOFNOTC's a boy called Jay

At first I thought that maybe he is gay

It's not that often one meets a straight man

Who is a big Amanda Palmer fan

But after I had stalked him quite a bit

I realised that he's clearly into tits

My god, he's straight and loves Miss AFP

There cannot be another man for me!

I started having all these fantasies

Of him and AFP all over me

And sometimes Neil was in the picture too

I fucking wish that all these dreams were true

Well, two of them might not know I exist

But one may yet administer his kiss

So tenderly upon my virgin lips

I'm readying all my handcuffs and whips

His smile is such a radiant sparkling light

It shines out from his skin so black as night

Beneath his clothes I want to see and touch

I bet he is all muscular and buff

He's such a geek it turns me the fuck on

So much that I start picturing his dong

Although I don't read comic books or game

I wish that he'd invite me round to play

So wise and worldly is my gorgeous Jay

Impressive QRank skills he does display

He says that he will love me even though

My scores are quite exceptionally low

WIthout the issue of geography

I'd first invite him for a cup of tea

We'd listen to the Dresden Dolls all day

While tweeting at our friends so far away

When night time falls we'd maybe have some drinks

And that leads to exactly what you think

Yes, I just want to make out all the time

And pashing certainly is not a crime

The next bit gets a little bit risque

Well, let's just say that everyone gets laid

And then when it is time to seek some rest

I'd lie my head upon his deep, broad chest

My love, my life, my sweetest darling Jay

I love thee more than any words can say

God bless Amanda and the internet

For you're the nicest chap I've never met

And this one's for @SoulSurrendered and is my first ever sonnet:

I looked up on the Wikipedia

The rules for writing Sonnets just for you

Oh lovely lady Roslyn Delacroix

Who goes by name of SoulSurrendered too

And though I do not know you very well

I do know that you are a #LOFNOTC

So therefore you just must be simply swell

For there's no other way that it could be

And if your avatar's to be believed

You are in fact a leg I'd like to kiss

With fishnets that could catch my heart; i cede

My soul to you, Oh SoulSurrendered Miss!

So now I'm doing better than your ex

I think that means that I deserve some sex!

I have no life.

The Naughty Nuns

This is a song that I wrote with my friends when we were about 14.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Getting fat on chocolate buns.

All those damn naughty nuns,

They will weigh many tonnes.

Sister Kate she looked so sweet,

But she went flashing down the street.

She said it was ‘coz of heat,

But we know who she hoped to meet.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Bathing topless in the sun,

All those damn naughty nuns,

They just wanna have some fun.

Sister Judy, Sister Fay,

Played a trick on Brother Ray.

Put up a poster saying he’s gay,

And he got hit on by Brother Clay.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Sayin’ things about their mums.

All those damn naughty nuns,

What they say would make you stunned.

Sister May, Brother Lance,

They were caught without their pants.

They said it was ‘coz of ants,

But they were doin’ a diff’rent dance.

All those damn naughty nuns,

To confession they all run.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Sister Claire just had a son.

Sister Susan, Father Ted,

Just got caught in the same bed.

She was also seen with Ned,

That’s what all the neighbours said.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Having fun with their huns.

All those damn naughty nuns,

I think she really wants some.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Putting fingers up their bums,

All those damn naughty nuns,

Doin’ it until they come.

What would our parents have said?!