Flip

I seem to have lost interest in blogging.

The Nation

In which I attempt, in a slightly drunken state, to explain the meaning of "The Nation."

Literally, Nation means penis.

examples:

"did you beep his nation" = did you f*** his penis

"he has quite a large nation EIGH"

"BEEP THE NATION!" (expletive)

But normally when the word "nation" is used, it means SO MUCH MORE.

It kind of refers to the person, as a whole.

examples:

"that is very offensive to my nation" = that offends me

"dominate his nation" = pussywhip the f***er

"ban his nation" = say NO, NO, NO, NO, NO to everything he wants

And then, Nation can basically mean anything you want it to. It's just an excellent multi-purpose word, really.

So, F my nation bitch.

Oh, and here's The Nation song.

IRL

Blog? What's that?

#LOFNOTC? What's that?

Amanda Palmer? Who's that?

(just kidding, I still know who Amanda Palmer is. I know it very well actually.)

Eh, so today Kitten Surprise went shopping for some outfits to wear when we get a gig,

...yeahhhh..... ok.

Whoopsy Daisy

I decided to go through my blog and delete all the old posts I don't like but I don't know how.

It doesn't matter, though, because I can do this, right?

I Need....

I need to sleep more.

I need to eat less.

I need to do more productive activities.

I need to spend less time on the internet.

I need to spend less money.

I need to grow up.

I need to make more of myself.

I need to reach my potential.

I need to get the fuck onto life.

#LOFNOTC peotry it is uterly sopy chiz

Well tonight I was a lonely #LOFNOTC, and spent the most part of the night writing love poems for #LOFNOTC that I have never met. And that is ENOUGH writing for one night, so here they are...

This one's for @Jay_Desu and is the longest poem I've written in a long long time:

I fell in love with AFP last year

And had my first orgasm of the ear

As my obsession grew I came to find

She tends to be quite into going online

There came a point where I felt so much love

That just reading her blog was not enough

I saw that she was tweeting day and night

And thought that I should give this thing a try

I didn't talk to anyone at first

Behind my screen here I just quietly lurked

Every move she made sent to my phone

But in this world I was still all alone

Then one day as I stalked my future wife

A thing called #LOFNOTC entered my life

I don't know how I'd missed it in the past

I jumped into its depths now very fast

Suddenly I found that I had friends

Who were not into all the latest trends

A brotherhood who stay in and get drunk

On Friday nights, I can't believe my luck!

This bridge was written to make you feel smittener

With my sad picture of girl as a Twitterer

Can you extract me from my cyber fantasy

I didn't think so but I'm still convinceable

Will you persist - if your name is Jay_Desu

A billion dollars says I'll maybe love you...

One of the LOFNOTC's a boy called Jay

At first I thought that maybe he is gay

It's not that often one meets a straight man

Who is a big Amanda Palmer fan

But after I had stalked him quite a bit

I realised that he's clearly into tits

My god, he's straight and loves Miss AFP

There cannot be another man for me!

I started having all these fantasies

Of him and AFP all over me

And sometimes Neil was in the picture too

I fucking wish that all these dreams were true

Well, two of them might not know I exist

But one may yet administer his kiss

So tenderly upon my virgin lips

I'm readying all my handcuffs and whips

His smile is such a radiant sparkling light

It shines out from his skin so black as night

Beneath his clothes I want to see and touch

I bet he is all muscular and buff

He's such a geek it turns me the fuck on

So much that I start picturing his dong

Although I don't read comic books or game

I wish that he'd invite me round to play

So wise and worldly is my gorgeous Jay

Impressive QRank skills he does display

He says that he will love me even though

My scores are quite exceptionally low

WIthout the issue of geography

I'd first invite him for a cup of tea

We'd listen to the Dresden Dolls all day

While tweeting at our friends so far away

When night time falls we'd maybe have some drinks

And that leads to exactly what you think

Yes, I just want to make out all the time

And pashing certainly is not a crime

The next bit gets a little bit risque

Well, let's just say that everyone gets laid

And then when it is time to seek some rest

I'd lie my head upon his deep, broad chest

My love, my life, my sweetest darling Jay

I love thee more than any words can say

God bless Amanda and the internet

For you're the nicest chap I've never met

And this one's for @SoulSurrendered and is my first ever sonnet:

I looked up on the Wikipedia

The rules for writing Sonnets just for you

Oh lovely lady Roslyn Delacroix

Who goes by name of SoulSurrendered too

And though I do not know you very well

I do know that you are a #LOFNOTC

So therefore you just must be simply swell

For there's no other way that it could be

And if your avatar's to be believed

You are in fact a leg I'd like to kiss

With fishnets that could catch my heart; i cede

My soul to you, Oh SoulSurrendered Miss!

So now I'm doing better than your ex

I think that means that I deserve some sex!

I have no life.

The Naughty Nuns

This is a song that I wrote with my friends when we were about 14.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Getting fat on chocolate buns.

All those damn naughty nuns,

They will weigh many tonnes.

Sister Kate she looked so sweet,

But she went flashing down the street.

She said it was ‘coz of heat,

But we know who she hoped to meet.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Bathing topless in the sun,

All those damn naughty nuns,

They just wanna have some fun.

Sister Judy, Sister Fay,

Played a trick on Brother Ray.

Put up a poster saying he’s gay,

And he got hit on by Brother Clay.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Sayin’ things about their mums.

All those damn naughty nuns,

What they say would make you stunned.

Sister May, Brother Lance,

They were caught without their pants.

They said it was ‘coz of ants,

But they were doin’ a diff’rent dance.

All those damn naughty nuns,

To confession they all run.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Sister Claire just had a son.

Sister Susan, Father Ted,

Just got caught in the same bed.

She was also seen with Ned,

That’s what all the neighbours said.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Having fun with their huns.

All those damn naughty nuns,

I think she really wants some.

All those damn naughty nuns,

Putting fingers up their bums,

All those damn naughty nuns,

Doin’ it until they come.

What would our parents have said?!